Exam

So as i'm sitting at my battlestation sipping my Cuba libre and thinking about the fact that uni starts next week something hit me. Why not hold a troll exam, no, A CHALLENGE to all trolls? As a reward ( not that winning this thing isn't a reward in itself) i'll have a permanent link back to your blog somewhere on mine; and no not at the bottom, but kind of like the blog roll to the right... AND you get to be my protégé. So without further a due:

I want you to finish this poem for me, in the manner you see fit. Troll who gets most points wins.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

.......................

.......................

Points are awarded as follows:

-5 pts for writing your comment in the form of an answer which makes sense, using real words - this means you pass* (i'm lenient)

-1 pt for writing both rows (1 row is fine but you don't get this point)

-2 pts for rhyming (+1 more if the rhyme makes sense)

-1 pt if the word that ends the rhyme isn't "you", "too", "to", "2" and ofc "blue"

-1 troll point for style.

You may begin immediately and you have until i decide to write a new post/article/the game

*passing means you get to have your blog added to the blogroll

Sloganizer!

So guys, check out Sloganizer. This thing can provide a good 4-5 minutes of extreme lulz if you know what to write and/or if you're in good company. I suggest stuff like: racism, Hitler, buttseks, gang-rape and the classic two-hand fisting. Give it a try!

Thanks Sloganizer!

Trolling (the truth)

OK everybody it seems like i've made a huge error and along with it i've lead you down the path of damnation and fail.

Newfags trolling

It was recently brought to my attention that what i considered to be trolling is something completely different. You see... trolling is a method of fishing where one or more fishing lines, baited with lures or bait fish, are drawn through the water. This may be behind a moving boat, or by slowly winding the line in when fishing from a static position, or even sweeping the line from side-to-side, e.g. when fishing from a jetty. So grab your fishing lines cause it's about to get wet.
Apparently all this time we've been doing it wrong so i've prepared a quick start guide. CAUTION: proper equipment is a must!
Accodrding to The People's Communist Republic of Wikipedia trolling speed is one of the most important aspects to consider while trolling:

Baits and lures are typically trolled at speeds up to 9 knots, though speeds up to 15 knots can be used, particularly when trolls are travelling to different trolling areas. The speed at which the lure is pulled through the water impacts on the fishing success. The optimum trolling speed varies with different species of fish, with weather conditions and the time of year, and other conditions. Chinook salmon can be successfully trolled at higher speeds than more docile lake trout. For these reasons fishermen use devices that accurately track speed. Trolling motors calibrate speed more accurately than large outboard motors. Trolling plates are also used with larger motors to slow the boat to the desired speed, although some anglers experience mixed results with plates.
Trolling can be effective at surprisingly low speeds.

Protrolling

Yes i am just as shocked as you are but when faced with a reality shattering truth such as this, we must stay strong and not lose faith.

Tips up and tight lines ;)

On the wings of a troll - my life's story, a troll's story

I don't remember when i first started trolling or why. Sometimes these things get lost in the depths of memory, where we commit them and maybe it's best that way.
I was born in a small town in a rather wealthy family and as i recall things were good. But as time went by i grew up and school started. Now let me tell you, that was the perfect trolling environment: lots of saps to mess with, teachers taking kids seriously, yeah school was srs business.
Then one day it happened. I remember that day clear as crystal, the day that would change everything. My best friend had just died and i had been acting very aggressively all week, trolling left and right. Events culminated with me getting in a battle with some tough-ass rapper which lasted for a few hours and my mom got scared, and said, "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air." I whistled for a cab and when it came near The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought, "Nah, forget it. Yo, holmes to Bel-Air!" I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie, "Yo homes smell ya later!" Looked at my kingdom I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.

Celebration - Throw a paper plane to your loved ones

Hello there young apprentices. As many of you may know this is the 11th of September. For us trolls this day marks one of the lulziest event in modern history. But laughing about it is just plain wrong...
Now what we need to do is spread the love and to that end i've decided a paper plane would be the best way to do it. At the bottom of the article you'll find a visual guide on how to construct a paper plane.
 I advise you write "Happy 9/11 day!" on it and throw it to your friends, loved ones or even random people to make their day just a bit more miserable. Now go, go and spread the love and merriment.




The first pale leaves
A tower collapsing            
Autumn's embrace






What can i say... days like this make me feel poetic :3

For you advanced trolls here's a youtube video detailing on how to make a really badass plane: Fo' shizzle

Case Study: The Troll Sage

The Saga of Bloodninja is one of the first and best trolling sagas of the early internets. As far as trolls go, this is easily one of the greatest in the entire history of internet trolling.
Now i do not wish to undervalue his skills or show no disprespect but you have to keep in mind that this was at the dawn of chatrooms, when users were as much aware of trolling as normal people IRL. Keeping that in mind, any of you with a bit of immagination and a lot of time (aka nolifers) could have done just a good of a job.

In unrelated news, i'm back and i'll continue where i left off. Also, scroll down to the next article ;)

Announcement!!!

I'll be gone for a few days guyse so i leave you with a sign that will always remind you of the horrible truth every single time you visit my blog (which i hope is daily, even religiously). I will pay my dues when i return.

Hit it Fred

Case Study: IRL trolling with some of the best

The following demonstration is performed by professional troll Barrie Hall, as part of the British show Balls of Steel. Watch; LOL; reflect; practice.

Lulzmix: Music to Troll By - Anonymous

Since most of you are probably music lovers i've prepared a little treat for you: a compilation made by anon, which provides the perfect soundtrack for trolling, lulzing and generally misbehaving. Studies have shown that listening to this mix increases your trolling skill by well over 9000 as well as tickling your ears to the point where you just can't resist trolling some innocent people. Enjoy!

note: these may seem date but they do the trick ;)

2nd note: if you have any suggestions of songs to add to the mix leave a comment

3rd note: The Lulzmix is readily available at your local pirate bay.

CD 1 
The Fresh Prince of Bel Air -Will smith
Disco Band - Scotch
Now How Old Are You? - Miko Mission
Drop The Bass - Rocco
Mazinger Go! - Jimmy Bravo
I Wish (Skazi Remix) - Infected Mushroom
Never Gonna Give You Up {Eurobeat Remix} - Rick Astley
Epic Clip of Ghost Love Score - Nightwish
Sega Saturn Shiro - Ichirou Tomata
Speedy Speed Boy - Marko Polo

Gong - JAM Project

Blackout - Overload
Express Love - Mega NRG Man
Fury of the Storm - Dragonforce
Don't Leave me - DJ Infinity Vs. Phanta C. 
We Call it Revolution - DJ Klubbingman
Yatta!- Happatai

CD 2 
Steel Dragon - S.H.H.
Outrun Europe Megamix -Jeroen Tel
E1M1 - Matthias Sachal
Super Slam - Quad City DJs

You Are Shock! - Tori Modosei
party 4u - Cranky
Headless -S.H.H.
Let's Fighting Love - South Park
The song from LONGCAT BE LOOOOONG - Anon
Habbeetik- Azar Habib
G-Storm - bLINd
Longcat's Song - Coda
Let's Talk About A Man - Prezioso
Heut Ist Mein Tag - Bluemchen
World, Hold On (Children of the Sky) - some faggot i hate
Big O - Toshihiko Sahashi
Silicon World -Eiffel 65
Eins, Zwei, Polizei -S.W.A.T.

CD 3 
The Final Countdown - Europe
Made Of Fire
Night Of Fire - Niko
Batman is Bruce Wayne - Garcon
Number One - Fastway
What Is Love - Haddaway
Party Like It's 1904 - Rex Navarrete
The Final Countdown (Club Mix) - Europe
Rasputin - Boney M
Max 300 - Omega
Cosby And A Vocoder - TheWhiteRider
Go Go Yellow Screen - Digital Emotion
Levas Polka -Loituma
I'm The Scatman - Scatman John (no not that kind)
Grinder - Frank Kelpacki
Come And Get Them - Tyler Bates
Soviet Russian National Anthem - Provokiev
Super Mario RPG - I have no idea who
Bill Nye the Science Guy - Bill Nye

Lyk a Baws

Sometimes, you start feeling like your trolling is in vain and all your energy seems to dissipate. Well young trolls, it's in times like these that you'll thank me for this. For your auditory pleasure:

Like A Boss (ft. Seth Rogen) - Uncensored Version 

nb: They forgot to add Trolling like a Boss. Well, maybe next time...

The history of trolling

Trolling as we know it was invented by Socrates and called Socratic Irony. It was performed IRL. Unfortunately, primitive people found irony confusing and scary, so they forced him to drink hemlock and die. The technical term for rhetorical trolling is eristics: "Arguing for the sake of conflict as opposed to the seeking of truth".

The Bible writers were the OTs (original trollers). They were so fucking good people are still RRRAAAGGGGing over that bullshit today.

In the picture to the left we see trolling as it happened for the first time, when The Devil trolled Eve into eating the apple.

Quite possibly one of the lulziest cases of historical trolling occurred in 1857 in the British colony of India. The British included native-born soldiers, both Muslim and Hindu, into their army, and then royally pwned their asses by putting pig grease on the bullet cartridges for the Muslim soldiers, and cow grease on the bullet cartridges for the Hindu soldiers. These are paper cartridges, mind you, and every soldier was trained to bite open the wrapping in order to pour the gunpowder down the barrel. It was later recorded in the respective holy books of the two religions that every one of these soldiers burned for eternity in sand nigger hell.

Much lulz ensued until the Hindus and the Muslims found out and staged a revolt. Then the British killed them all, and even more lulz were had by all.

In the early 1700s two English writers, Trenchard and Gordon, trolled the English government with their Letters to the Editor, that were collected and published as Cato's Letters. These were extremely popular in the colonies and provided some of the arguments for American independence. Without trolling, America would not exist.

Trolling was later taught as a college-level course by Professor Tim Pierce, resulting in Wikicide.

U.S. courts have found that trolling is a Constitutionally-protected right (See the lulz here). Recently, trolling has been destroyed by retards who think that trolling is just spamming the same word over and over.

Another example of early trolling was in 1972 with the release of the film known as Pink Flamingos which had people eating dogshit!

Trolling 1.01

My dear friends, trolling is a relatively simple thing to do. However all of us need a place to start and to that end i'd like you to direct your attention to the picture here. Detailed are the 3 single most important steps to any successful troll. Read carefully.

Also, feedback is very appreciated

The man is back in town